The Sun will rise...it'll be alright.

I know my post last night was depressing. Especially for this time of the year.

All I know is that for some reason God gives me another day.

Now to find how to make that day work to my advantage. I know I'm not working and am slightly handicapped in my left hand- But, I can and will turn this home into a masterpiece. Something for Mike to be proud of.

Too bad I need money for shelves. Anyone know of any men willing to help? Dad? Or even easy bookcases.

It's time to take back my womanhood and my home.

I want more than anything in this world for Mike to walk in the door after a long days work to a happy, clean home. And of course dinner would be good too. (but we all know he is a better chef)

I love you Mike. And I love my snuggle buggly Bailee.

On the bright-side...

...I have Mike. STILL STANDING BY ME!!

And I couldn't love him more. YES, I'd love that special question to finally be asked to me. But I am also happy with where things are in our lives.

I love this photo because it shows so much love for each other. Even though it is impeccably blurry. I love this man with everything inside of me.

Christmas may totally BITE THE DUST this year- but it is the first Christmas we'll be spending as just us. With hopefully many, many, many more to come...'WINK WINK, NUDGE NUDGE'...lol

We were both just ready for something different this year. We are poor and can't contribute to each other in gifts....so why not spend it alone together.

Whether we go to Wendover or stay home... I just hope it's the best Christmas without Bailee ever.

Christmas Heartache

Not having your child with you is obviously the most heart wrenching way to spend your Christmas.

Now, not having any funds to actually GET her gifts... That brings on a whole other feeling of heart wrenching pain.

I know it's not about Christmas. I know it's about Christ and his birth.

But, I am dying.

I broke down at Target today because I could only afford her a barbie doll with a $5 coupon. Which made the doll $5 bucks itself. I was on the phone with a friend while asking the concession's lately for a cup for ice water when I burst into tears. A friendly gentleman grabbed my arm and told me to breathe- it was all going to be ok.

That's when I sat in my car for 10 minutes crying my eyes out. I don't see this being ok. I don't see an end to this. (and no I'm not just talking about Christmas)

I ache. I ache so badly and don't have the courage to ask for help.

Oh, and I miss Bailee. I miss her immensely. I want to be the one with her on Christmas morning. I want to tuck her in and read her our traditional story on Christmas Eve. I ache for her as well.