Not having your child with you is obviously the most heart wrenching way to spend your Christmas.
Now, not having any funds to actually GET her gifts... That brings on a whole other feeling of heart wrenching pain.
I know it's not about Christmas. I know it's about Christ and his birth.
But, I am dying.
I broke down at Target today because I could only afford her a barbie doll with a $5 coupon. Which made the doll $5 bucks itself. I was on the phone with a friend while asking the concession's lately for a cup for ice water when I burst into tears. A friendly gentleman grabbed my arm and told me to breathe- it was all going to be ok.
That's when I sat in my car for 10 minutes crying my eyes out. I don't see this being ok. I don't see an end to this. (and no I'm not just talking about Christmas)
I ache. I ache so badly and don't have the courage to ask for help.
Oh, and I miss Bailee. I miss her immensely. I want to be the one with her on Christmas morning. I want to tuck her in and read her our traditional story on Christmas Eve. I ache for her as well.
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