Update on Jami's life

Jeez.

Summer is over.

It flew right by for me.

Seeing I spent it laid up the entire time.

Bailee had a good time in St. George and is now in 3rd Grade in a new school.

She absolutely LOVES this school. She says it's her favorite from all the rest. (Phew...seeing she'll be there for a while)

I am still out of work on disability. I am aching to go back though. I am bored doing nothing.

Disability pays barely enough to cover my portion of the bills. Actually, I don't think it even pays that.

My anxiety has dramatically improved, though. And I've been on my heart meds long enough that my resting heart rate is normal most of the time.

I am still having a bunch of issues that need to be dealt with though. I am starting therapy sessions on Monday. I have bittersweet feelings about that... It'll be good for me to be able to talk to someone with an unbiased opinion though.

I have KILLER insomnia when I'm not on my Xanax. Last night I didn't fall asleep until about 5 am. And I had to get up at 7 to get Bailee ready for school. I try napping after she leaves...but it has been unsuccessful as of late.

Bailee is on a kick of coming into our room to sleep every night, in the middle of the night. She's been doing it since she got home from St. George. Adjusting? I don't know. She sure doesn't help with the insomnia... She seems to always come in just after I finally doze off. And then she tosses and turns and hogs up my space... haha. One day I'll look back on this and laugh, and miss her crawling into bed with me.

Mike and I just passed our 17 month mark. Things are going good. I'm surprised at how much he puts up with me. I know it's got to be a drag having me out of work and being depressed and anxious all the time.

I'll say this much: I'd SUCK as a housewife... I can't keep our place clean or keep up on the chores everyday to save my life! I am a full couch potato.

So- I also broke my tailbone a little over a month ago. I am still in so much excruciating pain. I am really hoping it'll start to feel better soon. However, I am doubtful, seeing it hurts as much or more than it did when it happened.

I cannot wait until Fall.

Mid to High 70's isn't fall people. 50's-60's is.

Fall needs to hurry up and get here so that our power bill can go down.

I have also basically become hermit. My doctor added "social anxiety" to my list of problems during my last visit.

She's right on with that!

I have panic attacks just going to the store!

And to top it all off. I have gained a TON since June.

The meds I'm on have the side effect of weight gain.

However, I can't blame it all on the medication.

This is why I need the cooler temps! So that I can get out and at least go for a walk!

Tomorrow night will be the first time I've gone out with a friend since June.... And of course I'm anxious.

I'm anxious because I'm broke.

I'm anxious because there will be people around.

I'm anxious because of the weight I've gained.

See! Social anxiety!

I am serious about getting better.

I miss my work buddies...even though I've heard a lot have jumped ship since I've been on leave.

I miss my freedom and I miss.....my life. (to some extent)

Thankfully I am (hopefully) going to be turning a new leaf and becoming a better 'me'.

Did I mention I just adore and love Mike? He's been so patient and caring. I couldn't have asked for a better man to have been placed in my life.

Ok, Ok...this has all been just a ramble and I'm sure I have bored you to death.

I hope you are all well!

Life is Optional

That's the truth. We can choose to wake up every morning and do the same old boring routine, or we can choose to end it.

Now BEFORE you start thinking 'oh-no' Jami needs help...she's suicidal.. STOP! That is not the case. I'm far from it. Yes I've thought about it here and there....but, every day I've learned to appreciate life more and more.

Ever since being taken out of work for heart issues and extreme anxiety, I have had a LOT of time to reflect. There were days that I was crying in a corner begging God to take me away...and then there were those days that I actually felt like "Jami".

Feeling like myself is all I want. I want the bouts of anxiety and peeling my skin off to go away. But it's a process. Some days I'm "Go-Go-Go" I feel just like 'me'. And then other days that I can't drag my sorry butt out of bed.

I know a lot of you don't understand what I'm going through. Heck- I don't understand it. I have the man of my dreams in the palm of my hand and the most amazingly, spectacular daughter ever.

It's hard. Anxiety/Depression is real. Anyone that tells you otherwise is an idiot.

It CAN kill. It does hurt.

I have days/weeks that I don't even want to leave the house- even to go spend a few hours with my best friends.

It's because I am a wreck- and I am working on myself and getting better.

Please understand. This isn't something I can control.

Or just go to....

www.gooeyloves.blogspot.com

Gooey sure has a lot of love for her mama (and dada)...but mostly mama...hahah

Update...

I know I don't post on this blog much anymore (if at all) ... But I do have a blog that I try to post on more frequently....

Go to: http://gooeyloves.blogspot.com/2011/06/update-on-health.html And follow me there.

xoxo,

ME

A New Blog

So... I know I've been an AWFUL blogger for the past almost 2 years.
I blame it on my divore. And the depression that came with it.
Anyways-
I have started a new blog and I'd really appreciate it if you'd follow me there.
It's gooeyloves.blogspot.com
I'm doing my damnest to be a better blogger... But this one is hard to keep up with... It has too many sad memories... I thought it'd be better to start over. Start fresh.
SO! Join me at gooeyloves.blogspot.com
You know you wanna!!

(I may still update here from time to time...but, it'll be rare...so, follow me at my new site)
Thanks and LOVES!
-Jamilyn

Happy New Year!

Out with the old and in with the new.

I'm more than ready for 2011. 2010 was probably one of the hardest years I've ever faced. (well, the last part of 2009 also) This year is a fresh start. I'm looking forward to seeing what becomes of this year.

I started the new year off with a smooch from my Mike. Oh, how I love him!

Anyway- I hope you all have a GREAT 2011!!!

So this is Christmas...

...and I am actually NOT a Scrooge this year. It is so awesome to be so excited and happy about Christmas!!

Bailee is, of course, getting spoiled. (like always) I can not wait to see her cute, little, excited face tomorrow morning. She's pretty much getting EVERYTHING she asked for.

Christmas should be great! We are going to spend it at my Grandparents tonight. I am very much looking forward to spending Christmas Eve there. It is where I spent Christmas Eve every year while growing up. It will be my first year since having Bailee... I can't wait!!

I am also very excited to spend this first Christmas holiday with Mike. He actually gave me my gift early- I got a new CAMERA!! (thanks babe!)

Anyway- here's wishing you and yours a very, Merry Christmas!

xoxoxoxo,

Jamilyn :)

Thankful Thursday

Work has been so stressful as of late... So, here on my break I decided to do a Thankful post to get my mind off of the stress... (I am also blasting music on my iPod)

1) Family: I was so self-absorbed last year and pushed away my family. What was awful is I did that at a time where I needed them the most. Luckily I have been able to mend broken bridges with those close to me. I love my family members so much. They all mean more to me than I could even begin to describe. I promise to not push them away when I need them anymore. Being alone was painful...and I was the one who made it so that I was alone.

2) A Job: Yes, it's a pain-in-the-ass most of the time... we all know that I'd much rather be sleeping in till 12 and doing my own thing everyday. But- I am thankful to at least HAVE a job. And, I do love my job. Even though it's so busy and stressful lately. At least I have some pretty awesome co-workers that I get to work with every day.

3) Booty Warmers: It's too darn cold lately! Thankfully I have a car with heated seats. I absolutely LOVE having a warm ass every day... (haha)

4) Music: I love music so much. It speaks to me in so many different ways. I am a huge lyrics person... I do love a good beat, but the songs I love the most speaks to my soul. If I could tell people how I feel through song, I would. Right now I am addicted to this song by Train called 'Marry Me'... It's so romantic and lovely. I listen to it on repeat...(It's playing in my headphones right now-haha) Maybe I like that song so much because I'm hoping a certain someone will say it to me... hee-hee-hee... *wink-wink*

5) Eric: I am still so thankful that Eric and I have such a great friendship. I still consider him my best friend. It has changed a little bit because of my relationship with Mike, but- we are still pretty close. I will always love him and I'm so glad that he's such a good Daddy to Bailee.

6) Bailee: My baby bee brings me so much joy! I can't believe I went a whole year without having her by my side each and every day. She is growing up so fast and is learning a TON! She cracks me up with the silly things her brain comes up with. I love her so much and can't wait to have more little ones just like her!

7) Mike: Last, but certainly NOT least... I can't explain how much I appreciate having him in my life. He walked in at one of the darkest times in my life. He has brought me so much happiness. I am looking forward to the life that we are creating together. I love him so much more than I thought it was possible to love someone. He's there for me for whatever I need and is always willing to help me out with Bailee. Speaking of Bailee- watching them together melts my heart. She adores him and he's head over heels in love with her. I know that he'll never be her dad, but he is so great at being her friend. I love him so much!

Advent!!

Goo got to open Day 1 in her Advent Calendar this morning.... Nothing like chocolate before breakfast...

I'm an awesome mommy! :)

Happy. Whole. Wonderful.

I am feeling whole.

I am feeling complete.

I am loving the life that I am living.

I am excited for my future.

Life is wonderful and it feels good to believe this again.

xoxoxo

My love and I. I am one happy girl!!!


- Posted from my iPhone

Homework Help

Mike is so great with Bailee. It's not unusual to see him helping the buggy with her homework.
I feel so lucky to have found someone who adores Bailee so much!!

-Posted from my iPhone

Bakin a Cake

Bailee helped me make a cake today after work. It's the first time she's really helped me. :)


- Posted from my iPhone

Bailee on Halloween.... She was a Fairy Witch!!!



- Posted from my iPhone

Blogger on my iPhone!!

Thank you, Kaycee for telling me about BlogPress... I will definitely be using it!!!


- Posted from my iPhone

New Blog!!!

So... I know I'm horrible at updating my blog through here...

But, I also have another blog that I started in July.

I started that one because they had an app for it on my iPhone. If they had a Blogger app, I'm sure I would update more frequently through there.

Anyway... To view the other blog... click here!!!

Bailee's 2nd Grade School Picture

I can't believe how GROWN UP my Bug has gotten! Who told her she could grow?! Certainly NOT me!

I must say, I do have one adorable child. :D

Sorry if they are a little blurry... It's actually a picture of a picture.

Thankful Thursday

I know I don't really post very often... If really at all... anymore. But, I'm hoping I'll get back in the habit again.

Anyway- here's my list of Thankfuls!!

1) Trials: Yes, trials pretty much SUCK when you are going through them, but I love how strong they can make you in the end. I had a growing experience happen to me last Spring and even though I'm ashamed of what happened and hate all the stuff that I am having to do to make things right... I am glad it happened. It has opened my eyes so much and made me a better person.

2) Bailee: I'm ALWAYS Thankful for my little ray of sunshine... I love that little girl to pieces and I have NO IDEA how I survived without her last year.... I guess, in a way, I didn't do too well. I did fall apart quite a bit... But, she's here now and she's never going ANYWHERE ever again!

3) Mike: There is a lot I can say about my Mr. He's absolutely wonderful! He makes me smile, he treats me amazingly, and he's great with Bailee. I'm really thankful that I met such a great guy.

I had a lot more to list, but I'm short on time... so- that's gonna have to be it for now...

What are you thankful for?

Sunshine Girl

Here is my Bee. Sporting Mike's sunglasses...

She totally rocks them better than he does... haha!

My 'Mini Me' ???

So- I get told time and time again that Bailee looks just like me. But- I just DON'T see it!

What do you think??

The one thing I know for sure is: I'm going to have my HANDS full when she's a teenager... Because, I am already having to fight off all the boys.

Miss Bailee is definitely gorgeous and going to be a little heart breaker!! (something her mama never was)

Love you Bee! You're gorgeous and I look forward to watching you turn into a beautiful young woman... (just slow down on the growin' up part! please?)

Sister Susy Sitting on a Thistle

Bailee can no longer say that phrase without a little lisp.

And it's ADORABLE!!!

She lost the first one at daycare yesterday while eating a chicken nugget at lunch... And I pulled the second one out before bedtime.

I love my toothless darling!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAMA!!!

Summmah

Gotta love gettin' my tan on....

Bailee comes home on Friday!!!! yay! It's been a LOOOOONG almost 3 weeks without her!

My mom comes into town tomorrow! I haven't seen her since October! It's going to be a good weekend!

Oh, and by Monday I will be the Mother of a SEVEN year old... Where has the time gone?!?!!

Two Cuties

Beauty....

She has it....

Mmmmmm.... SUSHI!!

It's no secret that my favorite dish is SUSHI... So, I will admit that I was pretty happy and surprised that my Googs enjoys it as well.

She's not totally keen on the rolls, she's more of a Sashimi girl....(which is pretty darn delish too).

She is definitely her Mother's Daughter.

Hiking

The other day Bailee and I joined Megann on a hike through Tanner Park. Here are a few pictures of Bee playing in the little stream/river...

Toy Story 3

We went last night to see Toy Story 3.... LOVED IT!

Go see it!

Go see it in 3D!!

Do it!

Go...

Now...

What are you waiting for??

:D

Happiness...

It's such a great feeling.

I've missed it.

I'm glad it's back.

I hope it stays around for awhile.

Thankful Thursday (the thankful-est)

I am soooo incredibly thankful to have my Boogy back full time. I have missed her sooo sooo soooooo much! One year was WAY too long to be without my Goo. I am definitely COMPLETE now with having her here. I am soooo incredibly happy. It's insane!

I am also thankful that Eric and I are STILL friends to this date.... He stayed up here for two days after dropping Bailee off and we can still just "hang-out" without anything being uncomfortable or weird.

Things are just going so good for me lately. I'm working through making myself a better person for me and my daughter. I am so happy and I feel like I am changing for the best. I love who I am becoming. I love being me.

What are you thankful for?

Gateway Fun

On Monday Eric and I took Bailee to the Gateway so that she could play in the water... Here are just a few pictures:



And here is a video of her.... I simply LOVE her!! :D

Water Baby

My child is ADDICTED to playing in the water... (but, what child isn't?)

We are lucky enough to have a pool RIGHT outside our patio door at our apartment. I'm sure Bailee is going to be taking full advantage of it...pretty much DAILY!!

(View of the Pool from our Kitchen window)

(Boog jumping into the pool)

(Tipsee watching Bailee swim)

She's.....HERE!!!

Bailee arrived Sunday night and I couldn't be any happier!!!

Everything feels so great and I am feeling very complete!

I love her!

TWO more days...

...until Miss Bailee Bee Bug will be here FOREVER and EVER and EVER and EVER!!!!

I am so incredibly happy right now!

In two days I will be able to kiss this little girl each and EVERY day!

It's been such a long time coming... and... I'm just glad the wait is FINALLY OVER!!!

Hot, Hot, HOT!!

I know it's incorrect... But, ksl.com is stating on their website that it's 157 degrees outside right now... haha

Without friends...

If it wasn't for my friends....
This past year would have been HELL...
(not to say it wasn't)

Bailee will be home next weekend... But, I just wanted to throw out how MUCH I love my friends!

Thank you for being there for me this past year.

I love you!